We were just talking about other friends, and what in their lives was going on.
"Well, we do things. But nothing really changes. Is life really this thing?" asked Gisa then.
I helped her to light a cigarette by coming close to her to shield the wind. As the lighter scratched twice beside my chest I looked down, into the sarcophagus were the baby was sleeping. Her sad expression had slipped onto her mouth.

"Do you ever ask yourself where your life really is?" Gisa asked after a deep breath of the cigarette, "where's your joy or your serenity... maybe in a cup of coffee, in the things to write and do, when you stay with Libi, or just because you can go out here under the sky? Really, where is this life of ours?". She had eneded the phrase smiling on her own voice, to mock herself. But I wanted to take her seriously, because I thought it was what she really wanted, to be taken seriously now and then.
"Minutes are incredibly slow and can contain everything," I said. "So is our life, which is contained in the smallest bits. But unfortunately is not 'life' what we want." I had not resisted and was mocking myself too now.
"Is not?" she said. "Good, I like this. Go on."

"No, you know, life is 'there', and we don't want that because is too vast and unexplicable and pointless I guess. We want the choice. We want to be able to pick what we want, who we want. That's what all our energies are aimed at."
"Yeah, this sounds amazingly true, although is probably bullshit. Isn't that 'life' either?"
"No, I mean. It doesn't really matter what life turns to be in the end, as long as we can still have a choice to pick what we feel like."
"That's really selfish and shallow, you know," Gisa said. Then after a while she added: "And talking about that, you know, Loris still wants you. He mentioned it to me again."
"Oh right!" I said, half laughing. But then I was so embarrassed I could only mutter stupid jokes until we said goodbye.

As we hugged, the little girl was still sleeping. Her expression was still sad. We kissed goodbye, and Gisa kissed me near the mouth as if I deserved a special treat. She was having the most fun at the idea that his man wanted to be fucked by me, or us together, and it was nice to see, as we parted, how much she was in a better mood. But I knew it wasn't really thank to me.
On my way back, twice I promised myself never to encourage Loris anymore with stupid jokes.