Could this, Mr. Tagomi wondered, be the answer? Mystery of body organism, its own knowledge. Time to quit. Or time partially to quit. A purpose, which I must acquiesce to. What had the oracle last said? To his query in the office as those two lay dying or dead. Sixty-one. Inner Truth. Pigsand fishes are least intelligent of all; hard to convince. It is I. The book means me. I will never fully understand; that is the nature of such creatures. Or is this Inner Truth now, this that is happening to me?

-- Philip Dick, The Man in the High castle

Early night over the city, wet and rained over, folks from the apartment below yelling in front of the TV for the Milan soccer team to score. Sometimes softly warbles through the floor the chant Milan Milan, and someone else, further away beyond the projects blows a canned horn. But everyone who feels like cheering cheers apart and the community exists only across the TV sets. The land all around is cooling and drying, quieting up. The world of the spectators watches the spectacles.
I went to see Jawa today, tried to talk. Things never go like you imagined them if you have imagined them too much or too hard, because your mind can warp reality and compromise it. I mean, we talked, even laughed over it, because the baby has her own same blood type so "this doesn't help us, does it?". But it seemed so far-fetched to her I just dropped it right away in our laughs. It would have been better to drop it anyway. I left soon, she smiled from the threshold and the little kid was crying his short sob in the commotion of the door opened and closed and the distractions going away. I went for shops looking for a new bag not too big, not too small, but in the bourgeois city all the luggage is sinister and well mannered and is a bunch of boxes on wheels. I looked at the travel books and they all seemed useless. I wanted to buy the I Ching since when I read The Man in the High Castle, I had a couple of questions in mind, but I couldn't find the Adelphi copy I wanted. I met with Libi at home in the afternoon and we went to bed and after a while I managed to let my thoughts crawl away and let the sex work. We lay in bed for a while afterwards, the light from the gray sky gone dimmer and the room cold and under a blanket we stayed against the darkening orange wall. Whenever I looked down at her Libi smiled at me and then she said, you should never forget I'm the one who likes what you do to her. She came closer and against my chest and mentioned all the things she liked and we pictured them and I kept feeling inadequate but I didn't tell her. Then Libi left for the sewing school and the door remained open and I could hear the buzz of the city, the fainted honking and the throb of motorbikes and the tires accelerating on the wet surfaces of the street. Nothing else. Birds were silent or unintelligible below the afternoon onslaught of the city noise.
But that was before the night came, and then late at night, when Libi was sleeping alone in the other room with her head resting on a slim pillow near the orange wall, and the soccer match had been over for a long while, and I was writing at the green table and posting on the blog this post and all around had a duration and it felt familiar and distant at the same time. But that wasn't too original a feeling, and it stayed on the surface and I don't know what to do with it.